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Things that go bump in the night

Post by Judy Hauser on Oct. 21, 2010 at 2:13 pm |
October 25, 2010 11:10 am

With Halloween losing its steam, maybe it’s time to take fear mongering to a new level. Maybe it’s time to take it to the children.

When tucking the kids in tonight, instead of reading them bedtime stories about cows that jump over the moon, tell them about things that go bump in the night.

Tell them the horror stories FOX and its Bad News Bearers have been telling the rest of us since President Obama took office. Then, tell them the truth. They’re going to need the truth.

But first, have the little ones check under their beds. When Glenn Beck announces that the president and his progressives “are taking you to a place to be slaughtered,” and even gives a target date — “probably sometime after Christmas”– a quick glance under the bed couldn’t hurt.

Although Mr. Beck’s warning came last November, and Christmas 2009 has come and gone without a single slaughter, don’t worry. There’s plenty more dread where that came from (Weeknights, 10central/11pacific, FOX).

Depending on the tilt of the moon, Glenn Beck tells us Obama is a Nazi, a card-carrying Muslim, or a fascist! They’re all the same to him — reliable, fear-breeding prologues to another of his magnetic-field, doomsday fairy tales, like this one: “… we’re all about to witness our country burning down to the ground!”

“Fear Factor” had nothing on this guy or on his Mama Grizzly or Papa Bear.

Forget silly nursery rhymes. If you want to lull the little ones into La La Land, recite a few bars of this Sarah Palin fable to the NRA about dastardly liberals: “… if they thought they could get away with it, they would ban guns and … ammunition and gut the Second Amendment!”

Sing along to Sarah’s old-time favorite, “President Obama is a socialist who wants to kill Grandma with his death panels.” Or, recite Sarah’s instructional refrain, “Don’t retreat. Reload!” — priceless advice to children as they work the playground.

Finally, as the little darlings close their eyes, hurl some of this classic Rush Limbaugh into their dreamscape: “Adolf Hitler, like Barack Hussein Obama, … ruled by dictate.”

By Halloween, (to paraphrase Stephen Colbert) you and your little monsters can go door-to-door, keeping fear alive.

You’ve laid the groundwork. Now, you can raise your own little fear mongers. Here’s how to get started:

Or, you can tell them the truth. Unfortunately, little ears may not hear the truth. Truth isn’t as shrill as Palin’s ready-for-takeoff pitch, as hysterical as Glenn Beck’s sobs or as bellicose as Limbaugh’s belch. Like the rest of us, the kids may be numb before you get to the truth.

Ironically, the truth lies beneath FOX and its Bad News Bearers. Apparently, their doomsday whoppers are fashioned by the very words of Hitler:  “Make the lie big, make it simple, keep saying it, and eventually they will believe it.”

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