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Things that go bump in the night

Post by Judy Hauser on Oct. 21, 2010 at 2:13 pm with 8 Comments »
October 25, 2010 11:10 am

With Halloween losing its steam, maybe it’s time to take fear mongering to a new level. Maybe it’s time to take it to the children.

When tucking the kids in tonight, instead of reading them bedtime stories about cows that jump over the moon, tell them about things that go bump in the night.

Tell them the horror stories FOX and its Bad News Bearers have been telling the rest of us since President Obama took office. Then, tell them the truth. They’re going to need the truth.

But first, have the little ones check under their beds. When Glenn Beck announces that the president and his progressives “are taking you to a place to be slaughtered,” and even gives a target date — “probably sometime after Christmas”– a quick glance under the bed couldn’t hurt.

Although Mr. Beck’s warning came last November, and Christmas 2009 has come and gone without a single slaughter, don’t worry. There’s plenty more dread where that came from (Weeknights, 10central/11pacific, FOX).

Depending on the tilt of the moon, Glenn Beck tells us Obama is a Nazi, a card-carrying Muslim, or a fascist! They’re all the same to him — reliable, fear-breeding prologues to another of his magnetic-field, doomsday fairy tales, like this one: “… we’re all about to witness our country burning down to the ground!”

“Fear Factor” had nothing on this guy or on his Mama Grizzly or Papa Bear.

Forget silly nursery rhymes. If you want to lull the little ones into La La Land, recite a few bars of this Sarah Palin fable to the NRA about dastardly liberals: “… if they thought they could get away with it, they would ban guns and … ammunition and gut the Second Amendment!”

Sing along to Sarah’s old-time favorite, “President Obama is a socialist who wants to kill Grandma with his death panels.” Or, recite Sarah’s instructional refrain, “Don’t retreat. Reload!” — priceless advice to children as they work the playground.

Finally, as the little darlings close their eyes, hurl some of this classic Rush Limbaugh into their dreamscape: “Adolf Hitler, like Barack Hussein Obama, … ruled by dictate.”

By Halloween, (to paraphrase Stephen Colbert) you and your little monsters can go door-to-door, keeping fear alive.

You’ve laid the groundwork. Now, you can raise your own little fear mongers. Here’s how to get started:

Or, you can tell them the truth. Unfortunately, little ears may not hear the truth. Truth isn’t as shrill as Palin’s ready-for-takeoff pitch, as hysterical as Glenn Beck’s sobs or as bellicose as Limbaugh’s belch. Like the rest of us, the kids may be numb before you get to the truth.

Ironically, the truth lies beneath FOX and its Bad News Bearers. Apparently, their doomsday whoppers are fashioned by the very words of Hitler:  “Make the lie big, make it simple, keep saying it, and eventually they will believe it.”

Leave a comment Comments → 8
  1. Sailor45 says:

    Nice job, very well said. Give em hell lady!!

  2. hortonpeak says:

    Two thumbs up!

  3. “Make the lie big, make it simple, keep saying it, and eventually they will believe it.”

    Hate to dump the baby out with the bathwater but both parties are guilty of practicing the above. Starting with the Presidents, both present and past, and then working down to the local elections.

    Hauser must have the tinfoil hat concession for the left.

  4. hortonpeak says:

    The old, “both parties do/did it so,” yada, yada. Please defend the present election antics as set forth in the editorial. For full credit you must, a) rebut every point and b) if unable retract your tin foil hat comment. Eagerly awaiting your response.

  5. Hallelujah Judy Hauser! You go girl!

  6. BlaineCGarver says:

    Geez, y’all….Hyperbole is now accepted as fact? Well, I guess you Libs have to invent some pretty good paranoid episodes to soften the blow you people are going to get in a couple weeks. It makes me happy to see you melting down and engaging in the same sour tactics that you so often accuse the Conservatives.

  7. Zillahboy says:

    “Enroll now in Judy Hause’rs Simplifeid School of Journalism. You only have to learn three things: Close mind, Open mouth and Spew Hate

    .I am not a Sarah Palin fan, and I never listen to Rush Limbaugh’s blather, because as with Leonard Pitts and Eugene Robinson, his comments are so predictable that they are boring.

    I agree with some of Glen Beck’s positions, but I can’t take hour-long lectures

    Sarah Palin is too much of a screamer for my taste, but Judy Hauser’s screeching goes beyond fingernails on the blackboard

    Get a life, lady..

  8. Zill- not fingernails, more like ice picks.

    Judy – got your costume you ordered last week for ya’, you know the red one….
    as in herring…

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