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So why not the Kent Cutthroats?

Post by Patrick O'Callahan on Feb. 9, 2010 at 6:43 pm |
February 10, 2010 11:33 am

The Indoor Football League has rolled out a new franchise, the Kent Predators. Yes, you read that right.

The IFL originally intended to create the team in Wasilla, Alaska, where it would have played as the Arctic Predators. Up there, the name would have conjured up wolves, grizzlies, polar bears, even fluffy little snow foxes.

Down in urban Western Washington, “predators” has a whole different set of associations. As in: Ted Bundy, The Green River Killer and all the wonderful folks we try to keep locked up on McNeil Island (and who nonetheless always seem to be able to get their hands on child porn).

The name “Kent Predators” is a stroke of marketing genius on the order of “iPad,” with its should-have-been-obvious connotations.

Now that the IFL has established the precedent for grotesquely misnamed franchises, let’s imagine the expansion teams. The Seattle Stranglers. The Ferndale Felons. The Renton Recidivists. The Snohomish Sociopaths. The Vancouver Voyeurs. The Spokane Stalkers. The Des Moines Deviants. The SeaTac Slashers. The Gig Harbor Gropers. The Moses Lake Molesters.

(Sorry, IFL. But you asked for it.)

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