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Some like it hot? Really?

Post by Karen Irwin on July 28, 2009 at 1:18 am with 8 Comments »
July 28, 2009 1:18 am

Well, Al Gore was right after all.

Global warming is upon us, at least here in the Pacific Northwest, at least here in my kitchen. Personally I thought GW was going to be a more gradual process, a degree every century sort of thing. I didn’t think it would come this fast. Truth be told, I haven’t been this hot since I was twenty-two years old. That was the year I drove from California to Texas in a Toyota Tercel with no air conditioning and only one window that could roll down.

So it’s not as if I have never known heat. I am a former military spouse. I have lived in the South, but in the South there is little that air conditioning doesn’t touch. Those people practically put Freon in their under garments and who can blame them? The same cannot be said of our little corner of the world.

Oh, but I can still hear our real estate agent coo as she showed my husband and I the home we eventually bought, "You won’t need air conditioning here," she said all the while gesticulating like Vanna White. "Just open up the windows and let the cool breeze come in off the Sound." Never mind the Sound is miles away, we believed her.

My husband tried to reassure me when I casually mentioned yesterday that we should sue her. He said that she was "basically" correct, not about breezes from the Sound, unless there is a hurricane we won’t feel any of those, but he says our real estate agent was right about not needing air conditioning. He correctly pointed out that it’s only hot enough in the summer to warrant air conditioning for a few short days.

My husband also likes to point out that the weather here in Tacoma is so temperate that I haven’t donned a pair of shorts in a decade. I don’t have the heart to tell him that I do that as a public service, one, I might add, that comes at a great sacrifice right now given that I am so hot.

"It could be worse," my husband likes to say. He likes to say it a lot. So much so that those very words might be engraved on his headstone.

It could be worse? I have just eaten my third watermelon of the day. To what end? The fruit hasn’t cooled me much. I suppose you could say it has given my day a bit of purpose, as between the watermelon and the lemonade I visit the restroom frequently, of course once there I can’t help but notice in the bathroom mirror as I run cold water over my wrists that the heat is doing to my appearance what it does for my temperament. Hey, at least they match.

Seriously though, this Global Warming thing is no joke. My husband heard on the radio that if you put chunks of ice in your bed it is as good as air conditioning. So, guess who is sleeping with chunks of ice? Defying all laws of physics, the ice keeps rolling on my side of the bed. I am hot, do I really need freezer burn too?

A study by The Shweisheimer Group recently showed that a worker’s productivity is reduced by twenty-two percent when the temperature goes above ninety degrees. Oh, really? One look at my laundry room and I would say that figure is off by about eighty-eight percent. Another study concluded that there is significant cognitive impairment when the temperature gets too high, which accounts for why I gave my eight year old son today full permission to squirt me in the face with the hose. Suffice it to say, if you see me around town wearing a pair of crooked glasses, don’t ask. Just don’t ask.

All of this is bad news for Global Warming, because if we want to reverse those effects it will take our full attention and cognitive capabilities and as I sit and type this I know that is never going to happen, it is never going to happen because all I can muster is a barely audible whimper, "It’s too late Al Gore, it’s too late."

Taking notice
Leave a comment Comments → 8
  1. bobbysangelwife says:

    That was very ‘cute’. ;) I feel your pain as I have no A/C either. Well, I actually HAVE them (window A/C’s), but I don’t have the means in which to install them. See I live on Ft Lewis and the ONLY way you can put in the A/C’s is if you use plexiglass—no plywood is allowed. Since I am NOT Jesus and my husband is deployed, I can only do what others are doing: bringing out the multitude of fans. :)
    So yet another day of vegging on the couch, watching whatever is on, moving as little as possible, and worrying about our black dog staying relatively cool.
    Maybe I should be laying on the linoleum floor too…..

  2. Karen Irwin says:

    Idozy1234 Brilliant! Thank you!!! I will freeze our sheets tonight! Meanwhile the kids and I will have to eat the contents of the freezer to make room but desparate times…

    Bobbysangelwife, I don’t know which is worse not having air conditioning or having it and not being able to use it…ouch…I feel your pain and your little dog’s too…hang in there knowing you won’t be the only one vegging on the couch today.:0) Thanks so much for writing…

  3. Come on over any night for a sleep over…I’ve got the basement guest suite/playroom available…basement level + AC from the heat pump. Bring the whole gang! Plenty of toys to keep everyone busy until they’re ready to pass out.

  4. emmabeth says:

    As of yesterday. we are now the decadent owners of a new window air-conditioner. It took a bit of doing, but there are still a few out there to buy. Sorry, Karen, I sold out…now you know what kind of not-so-stern stuff I’m made of. ;o) When the going got tough (or too hot) I wimped out!

  5. ldozy1234 says:

    Just shaved the dog ( Brittany spaniel) Since I’m NOT a groomer, kinda looks like she has mange but is about 5 lbs lighter and so happy she’s wiggling like a puppy! Remember to cool your pets off also! (Though they are NOT getting my frozen sheets.)

  6. logicmonster says:

    “It could be worse," my husband likes to say. He likes to say it a lot. So much so that those very words might be engraved on his headstone.”

    Now that is just gol darn funny! Thanks.

  7. bobbysangelwife says:

    lol….personally I think that knowing that I have THREE A/C’s just taunting me from the shed outside is worse! ;) I think the dog is doing better than we are…she’s not a small thing, can’t put her in the freezer for a moment or so—I’m kidding! I’d never do that, but the thought just kinda came to me. HA! :)
    Idozy, if I thought that my Shepard/Lab would look good shaved–I’d do it in a heartbeat. Seems like we have a lot of Newfie’s here on post—along with other long/thick coated dogs—I hope these poor things are inside AND shaved! Newfie’s look awesome with their coats shaved down….not to mention the weight loss.
    We survived yesterday….the teen went to the lake slathered in so much sunscreen her skin was white. I vegged on the couch and hogged the fan. I had Ziploc bags filled with ice in pans sitting in front of the fans–it actually helped! I went outside and hosed down the porch every time I went out there–dual purpose: wet feet and cooler porch. Hung out in the cool shower. Ordered out dinner–no cooking was done yesterday at all.
    Overall, it wasn’t too bad. All I had to do was remember that my husband is enduring 129 temps where he’s at….somehow it just made our temp seem a bit cooler. ;)

  8. Karen Irwin says:

    God bless your husband and all our troops over there! Can’t convey enough my gratitude for his service, and yours as well. Thinking of them makes me ashamed of complaining, so mostly I’ll whimper quietly to myself. Still, my poor cat is panting. (I’ve never seen a cat do that before.) My daughter suggested we get her wet but knowing cats,and especially this cat- I think that would just anger her. She’ll just have to endure like the rest of us…
    Thanks for checking in…good to hear you are ok.;) And No COOKING. We are on day 5 of sandwiches and watermelon.

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